SPEECHLESS

PAKCIK said it's a miracle if i say i'm speechless as for him, i speak as much as i breath.

DAMN. He is so true. Why does he need to understand me too much?

Btw, that is not why i am speechless. A month ago, i made a little plan for my birthday celebration, mainly a fine dinner and a karaoke session with my friends and a little time with my annoying boyfriend. maybe movie. As usual, i plan early due to my freak nature of getting obsessed to plan things waaayyyyy tooo ahead.

Three weeks ago, my GPK Ko-kurikulum came to see me and told me that i will be one of the facilitator at the camp, which put me to the utmost feeling of surprise. I asked her when is the camp and she gave me that killing answer, "3 sampai 5 Julai lah."

my heartbeat became faster. The last time my birthday fall on a weekend was when i was in high school, i think. Wutever, ok.. but my point is, i cannot take it when my birthday is being spoilt, especially with things like being a facilitator in some camp and being trapped there for over nights. There goes my birthday plans, right??

I truly was speechless.

then, 2 weeks ago, i bumped into an old friend at KLCC. I was there to watch TRANSFORMERS with PAKCIK. We had a brief conversation, and then she told me this one big news about another friend. This friend of mine was a competition in many ways, and then now she is married to someone whom i secretly adored years back. How on earth could this happen?? Not that I am jealous as i am no longer 'secretly adore' that particular guy. But hey, I met him first. I noticed him when she didn't even bother about him or any other guys. From wut i heard, they became close last year in October and now they are married. Wut a 'fair' life, kan.

Again, I was speechless.

If you have read my previous entry, you might know the sory about how UM has been cancelling and postponing things due to H1N1 thingy. That, personally, upsets me too. but i rather not talk about it again as i am now trying so hard to pull my strength together to go for the registration tomorrow at 3pm. It had been killing me to wait for that date, now it's tomorrow. I am still nervous to get back to 'school' and becoming student again. I am not sure i can do it or not. there are some of my batch who are already and going to further study to get their masters. But to tell the truth, them, i wont be surprise. they are all geniuses, bright students, extremely intelligent and many more. On the contrary, I am such an average student, not brilliant at all, not a straight A student, seriously, if u go to the same school with me, u will know how 'average' i am. In some ways, it got me demotivated, knowing that I am just the plain 'bunga tahi ayam' among all the beautful roses.

I am speechless, and demotivated.

And now i am having flu, coughing like nobody's business, sore throat and pain all over my body. How am i supposed to go through the spoilt weekend like this?? With the registration in Um tomorrow, camping the whole weekend @ Genting Valley (name bukan main sedap je, tp entah ape rupe tempat tu, no one knows.) and many more..

God, please lend me a piece of your strength, just for this one weekend.

MY GLASS IS BROKEN, SO IS MY HEART

I just wanted to be a good person, washing up the dishes in the kitchen when there was no one at home. It was not like I don’t wash dishes before, in fact, doing the dishes is always my kind of thing. Where ever I go, I always take this ‘basuh pinggan tender’, especially at kenduris and all. So, wut I’m trying to say is, washing the dishes is not too alienated to me.

So, why, out of many-many days that I wash the dishes, it was today that was fated for my ROYAL DOULTON GLASS to slipped out from my grab at the sink and immediately bumped into other ROYAL DOULTON GLASS and there it was, BROKE!!!

Do you know how it felt when a car hit the road divider and another car hit the first car and a lorry come by only to squeeze them smaller and all three drivers are bleeding and screaming painfully and it happen right in front of your eyes???

That is exactly how I felt when that glass dropped.

Exaggerating? Absolutely not!!

Do u know how much I spent for the set of glasses?? Fine, it wasn’t much. Only 20pounds per set. THAT”S MY POINT!! I mean, how cheap can u get for ROYAL DOULTON merchandise? Even the plain very small ashtray will cost you RM490 here in Malaysia.

There is a huge difference between getting something as present, buying things with your mum’s money and buying things with your own scholarship money while you are miles away from home. I started to like ROYAL DOULTON AND ROYAL ALBERT COLLECTIONS since March 2006. I found some good and cheap ones at EBAY and I started to purchase them. The like became addiction. I did spend a lot on those things, only to know that these things are so worth it.

My favourite collection of course is the WINE GLASSES. Not that I drink wine, but no harm having such beautiful sexy glasses in one of my cabinets, right? Another one is the whisky crystal glass. If you hold it up, it is much heavier than 6 normal glass of its size. The very detail decorations just astonished me so much.

Now, one of them is already broken. I told PAKCIK and he promised a small funeral for it. We are going to bury it at a place where we both treasure.

I’m still crying over my glass.

LAST MINUTE

why do i hate last minute things?

first of all, of course because i am a PLAN FREAK. i am plan from a very2 small things like wut to eat this afternoon, where and how much money should i spend on that. sometimes, i spend way too early, eg: i am meeting friends over this weekend and i hv been planning about wut to wear and wut to eat and how to go there, wut time should i get up, wut kind of make-up should i put on my face, which bag and shoes to wear, and guess wut, i have been planning this since 10TH OF JUNE!! that is how freak i am about planning things.

wut i love most about planning is that i get to see things on the flow. i like to see how it goes, nice and beautiful. i love to plan THE REUNION WITH MY BABES, and i have never been bored doing that, even most of the time i am the one to do all sorts of fetching up. choosing place to eat and so on. but seriously, i love doing it.

i told my brother, if he gets married with her girlfriend now (whom i already like and adore so much, and we both bond quite well..), i dun mind doing all the wedding planning. in fact, I wanna do it for him, and mostly because i think he will be the one to tie the knot first before me and i think it's a good way of making my mum 'guilty'. if u know me, u might know wut this means. wutever, i'll get back to this one later.

back to planning thingy. So, today i am supposed to be in Um, attending a WELCOMING CEREMONY FOR THE POSTGRADUATES SEMESTER 1 SESSION 2009/2010 AT 8.30AM and FACULTY BRIEFING AT 3PM. so, knowing that since months ago, i had applied for a day off from my boss. of course she is the most impossible women on earth, but i dunno why, she eventually approved my 'day off' application. but then, only yesterday at 11pm, i got the news that it was all being cancelled, last minutely. THE WELCOMING THINY BEING CANCELLED, AND THE FAC BRIEFING IS POSTPONED TO 3RD JULY AT 10.30AM. god, how many day off that i have to take? gosh, i thought IPBA was always the place who love last minute planning, i never thought that one of the most honorable university would do this. fine, i wouldnt blame them much la, it's all because of the HINI thing, where we are not supposed to have gatherings and all. i understand, but LAST MINUTE?? gosh, i cant take it anymore. i have plan things since months ago about how i want to go about it (since u know, my boss is kind of cerewet, and she doesnt really like the idea of a new teacher like me to further study, not especially when i am teaching her daughter's class).. it has spoilt it all. DAMN.

so, today, i am sitting at home, 'enjoying' my day off with a little piece of delivery dominos and my mind is actively thinking about how i wanna be there in UM at 10.30am when i actually hv to be in school, my one and only work place.

now i hate my life.

HAPPY FATHERS' DAY

My dad raised me up with only RM180 per month. Those days, that was the only salary he could get due to his lack of qualification in education. He married my mum very young, thus money always was his problem. But I didn’t know why, somehow he managed.

He was such a fierce person, the fiercest I have seen. Never once I dared to share things with him. When he got back from work, I would lock myself in the room. I once got a ‘C’ in my BAHASA ARAB in sekolah agama. I became so scared that I studied under the dining table to avoid him. I was once being caned just because I cycled further than I supposed to during my play time.

He was also the most impossible person, very much impossible in any way. He always had the final say in anything. I didn’t dare to argue with him as finally he would win.

But as I grew older, he became one of my closest friends. Since I left home for boarding school, we became very much attached. He backed me up in most of the things, trying hard to understand my needs. Although at certain point he became very much over protective, I could not blame him. He raised me up till I was 12, and that was it. He became protective because he didn’t have enough time to set his eyes on me. He thought that raising me for 12 years was not enough and he wanted more. Maybe that is why at the age of 25, I am still his ‘little’ girl. .

Now that I have all grown up, dad still calls me ‘sayang’ like those days. He still kisses me on my forehead every time I got home. He still checks on my whereabouts. He still asks whether or not I wear my socks before I go to sleep. Sometimes, dad would call to remind me about renewing my licence, paying my bills, and many more which normally I would have settled them before hand. Mum said, sometime my dad forgot how big I am now. He forgot that I could handle things on my own.

Yet, he is still the best daddy. Though he raised me up with little money, he never once let me felt that I was poor. He would give whatever I wanted. It is now time forme to give him every thing he had ever wanted, like Ray Ban sunglasses, Casio watch and Calvin Klein wallet. But those would never pay up all his sacrifices before.

If only he would understand my one and only wish now, he is such an angel.

AYAH, HAPPY FATHERS’ DAY.

WHEN WILL AUGUST COME?

I went back to KL few days earlier as I had to practise for a dance show for some important event. I took the opportunity to have a little reunion with my best girl, SUDI. Apparently, she was in KL visiting her aunt. I hadn’t seen her for AGES so I really cleared up my schedule just to meet her. Just about time, EQIN also was here in KL, so half of the gang were already here.

Of course I had to pick up that “princess” from her in-laws in GOMBAK. After my little business at MAYBANK, TMN MELAWATI, (where I had drawn some attention throughout the bank when the men bankers circling me to sell their ‘product’ and suddenly their boss came out, shoosh them away and apologized to me for having such noisy and naughty officers, but hey, I dun mind being an attention. ahaks), I picked her up , parked my car at TERMINAL PUTRA and took the LRT to KLCC. It was my second time on LRT this year.

At KLCC, we waited for her and suddenly there she came, of course with her squeaky little noise and actions. But this time she held onto herself a little more, I guess because she is ‘holding’ a life in her tummy. Gosh, me and EQIN were soooooo excited and we cudnt stop touching her tummy. Of course FAYZAN, the husband, got annoyed at us so much, but we didn’t care. It was OUR baby too, ok. We waited for our seat at CHILLI’S, ordered wonderful meal to serve our tummy and there it came, the old sweet time… We talked, talked and talked. Of course we missed our dearly YUNEE and our cute HUDA who cudnt be there. How nice if the whole gang was there, kan?? Huhu

We also did a little shopping and window shopping. When the time came, we separated ourselves, hopefully not for long.

Now, I miss them already. I even miss HUDA and YUNEE more.

Huhu, when will August come??

SCARY MOMENT

While others are enjoying their holidays, I am facing such a difficult time. The holiday started with some meaningful activities, meeting with old friends at the juniors’ convo, spa session with my best girl, EQIN, and then I drove back home to JOHOR.

I visited my grandfather who recently married (once again). He had been well. Last time I visited him, he was having high fever. But I was glad he was ok now. He had been eating well, according to my new step-grandmother. But things were not so well on my grandma. She had been unconscious and her sugar level had risen up. She was then sent to the hospital and warded, of course.

It was a scary moment. She wouldn’t wake up. She wouldn’t open her eyes even how hard we tried to wake her up. She wouldn’t respond in any way. She wouldn’t eat and drink. Everyone was so scared.

Looking at her so pale and unwell, the memories flashed back. I was living with her, whom I called as MAKTUK, and my grandfather, ABAH. I was the only grandchildren that they got to take care of. So, I was being pampered, and rather spoilt. But at least I turned out quite good as compared to other grandchildren.

I didn’t get to say goodbye to ABAH. He passed away when I was busy sitting for monthly test in so called ‘the best boarding school’. My family kept the news from me for 3 months. THREE MONTHS I assumed that ABAH was getting better and alive. But in actual fact, he was buried six feet under. I felt the utmost betrayal.

Again, they must have done that for a reason, which I wouldn’t understand up till now. So I warned MAK and AYAH to update me with every single detail about my only MAKTUK and TOKYAH, the only grandmother and grandfather that I still have right now.

Yesterday, MAKTUK was discharged. Everybody was happy. She had been a little better, but still hadn’t got to her own feet yet. My scary moment had gone away. I hope for ever.

Dear God, you have given me such wonderful maktuk and tokyah, but I am not ready to give them back to you yet. So please let them live as I and other family members still need them, so much.

SEARCHING FOR A PAIR OF GREEN SHOES

“Babe, wake up.. it’z Monday!!”

Wut the hell, of course I know it’s Monday that I had been waiting for, but to wake me up at 6.15 in the morning? She must be crazy. It’s not even a school Monday. I dun care. I closed me eyes again and fell asleep for another couple of hours.

First thing first, PAKCIK reminded me to renew my licence before I went off anywhere else. Urgh, typical men. Then, I went to pick her up at her in-laws. Owh, I guess you know who ‘her’ is, right?? She’s my super duper loud and nice girl friend, EQIN.

We spent our morning at the MIRACLE COSMETICS AND SPA at Wangsa Melawati. Gosh, it’s the best RM100 I have ever spent. The package includes whole body massage, whole body scrub and mask, steam bath, milk bath and Jacuzzi. After we had completed our session and cleaned up our body, we prepared for our next destination, BTS.
EQIn said she wanted to find a bag and a pair of jalan-jalan shoes. She ended up with 2 pairs of shoes and 2 bags!!! The most interesting part was, she only spent less than RM200 for all of them. See, we can still look good without having to spend a lot of money. The thing about both of us was that we had the very same habit in terms of shopping. I got myself a pair of yellow shoes too, and a matching bag which both cost me RM34 only. But the main thing I wanted to find, a pair of dark emerald shoes, were hard to locate. Very difficult in fact. Till the very last minutes, even after our bf and husband had called us home, we found two shops which eventually had the shoes, but both didn’t have my petite shoe size. Damn.

Pity her. She had to teman me all the way from down to up BTS. Penat giler, but it was all worth it. At least I still got my new pairs of yellow shoes. Very cute. I hope to see her again and do this one more time. Maybe next time, we’ll ask the whole gang to do the spa thingy. i miss them a lot.