KISAH CINTA 1

Normally, bile sy bgn tido, sy akan check handphone sy. mesti ada satu sms dari si dia. Msg tu dihantar mlm tadi sblum dia tido. Dia ckp “Good night, b. I nk tido dah. Jumpe u dalam mimpi I ok. I’ll see u tomorrow.” Sy akan balas sms dia utk bgtau yg sy dah bgn tido dan sy rindu dia. Bile sy smpi tempat kerja, sy akan tumpukan pada kerja. Bile waktu mkn dlm pkl 8.30, sy akan call dia, kejutkan dia bgn tido. Bile dia dah masuk dlm kereta, dia akan call sy dan berckp dgn sy sehingga dia smpi ke tempat kerja.

Dlm pkl 12, sy akan hntr sms kat dia, tanye ape plan dia utk lunch nnt. Dia akan call balik, dan bgtau tentang plan dia. Biasanye dia ade lunch appointment dgn client, atau lunch date dgn best buddy dia. Atau dia akan pergi jenguk kaum keluarga terdekat dan lunch dgn mereka. Dan dia akan tanye, ape sy akan mkn utk lunch. Biasanya sy tak mkn lunch, sbb dah breakfast berat pg tadi. So, sy akan bgtau dia yg sy akan minum tea dgn dia je nnt.

Lepas balik dari sekolah, dia akan call sy, check sy di mana. Kadang2 sy di bank uruskan hal kewangan. Kadang2 sy di pejabat pos, kadang2 di shopping mall. Dia akan ingatkan sy supaya drive safely. Kalau hujan, dia akan suruh sy balik cepat, sbb dia tau sy tak berapa nmpk dlm hujan.

Dalam pkl 4, sy akan ke area tmpt kerja dia, atau mane2 tempat yg berdekatan. Saja2 nk borak sambil minum kopi. Kalau hari itu ialah hari Isnin, Rabu atau Jumaat, kami akan mkn berat sikit time ni. Sbb mlm tu dia akan pg main badminton, routine mingguan. Bila dia main badminton, sy sorg2, jd dia akan suruh sy mkn awal2 dgn dia time tu.

Lps tu, sy balik rumah. Kalau hari tu hari Khamis atau Selasa, sy akan masak utk dinner. Sy akan call dia tanye nk mkn apa. Jawapan standard dia ialah, “I tak kesah, b. U masak ape pun I mkn. U pun tau I tak cerewet, kan.” Cukup senang nk masak utk dia. Nasi putih dgn telur goring aje pun dia mkn. Tp sy tak delah masak itu aje tiap2 hari.

Bile dia balik rumah, sy akan pastikan rumah dia bersih, baju dah siap basuh dan baju kerja utk esok dah siap iron. Sy akan pastikan sy sambut dia di depan pintu dengan senyuman manja. Sy suka tanggalkan stoking dia, sbb kalau tak nnt dia main campak je ntah kat mane. Sy akan get ready secawan Nescafe utk dia.

Sambil2 tgk tv, kami akan bercerita ttg hal kerja. Sekali sekala, kami bergurau. Dia akan update sy dgn hal2 ehwal semasa seperti politik. Sbb tu sy tak perlu bace paper, sbb sy ade newspaper bergerak sy sendiri. Waktu maghrib, sy akan ke surau berdekatan. dan bile balik, kami akan dinner sama2. Kalau hari yg dia pergi main badminton, sy akan lipat baju salinan dia dan letak dlm beg badminton dia. Lepas tu, kami sama2 keluar dan sy akan balik ke rumah sy. Mlm sblm tido, sy akan sms dia ckp good night dan igt dia sampai sy tertido.

Itulah routine harian sy sebelum ni. Tp skrg, sy dah takde routine mcm ni.

Sgt2 sedih.

FIVE STAGES OF MY LOVE AFFAIRS

STAGE 1

I will get to know him first. Normally, during this period of time, I will be very nice, charming and irresistible. I will be amazingly polite, intelligent, funny and understanding. Most men will fall for this. I will play along his game. Whatever he likes, whatever he prefers, I will play along.

STAGE 2

When he puts his interest, I will play hard to get. not returning his calls, not replying his sms, driving him crazy as though he got the wrong signals.

STAGE 3

Just when he is about to give up, I return his calls. Be nice again. And he gets back to track.

STAGE 4

When he declares that he wants to be more than just a friend, I will start my pressure. I will tease him to the max, testing his patience, try to make him angry, make a big fuss out of small2 things, try to pick up a fight every chance I get. I will start pressuring him over unbelievable things. I will be totally a different person from the first time he met me.

This is the period of time where I judge him being himself. I yell and shout every chance I get. I will be so hard and so difficult to be take care of. I want to see how he handles me.

STAGE 5

When he has proven to be able to handle 'me', I will show him the real me. The real me who is actually not difficult to be taken care of. The real me who loves him so very much, who takes good care of him now and forever, who shuts the hell up when he gets angry, who says sorry when she did any mistakes, who cooks for him even though she is mad, who kisses his hands when he gets home, who puts smiles on her face when guests come over even though she has just had a fight with him, who prays for her well life at each prayer.

AND SO FAR, out of many relationships that I have gone through, only one relationship had gone to the fifth stage. ONE. That relationship took 2 months for first stage, 4 months for second stage, one months for third stage, 2 years for 4th stage, and 4 years for the fifth stage.

And that one relationship is the one I had to let go.

I wonder if I will ever meet another relationship that can last till the fifth stage. I really wonder.

Hey, i am not difficult to be taken care of. Really. That's what he said.

PROUD WE ARE

The date 27^th of November 2010 must be a memorable one for UiTM graduates as it was the day when they went up to the stage to receive the ‘pay’ for their whole life of hardship. It was the day when they received a piece of paper which will determine the next chapters of their lives. And I am so proud to be part of that, as I, too, joined the crowd to celebrate that moment when my brother, MOHD MAZUAN NAZRI BIN JUNIT, had his convocation for the bachelor degree he is holding now.

Last 2 years, my family and I went for my own convocation in IPBA. It was just a tiny and simple event but the tears which my mum and dad shred were so meaningful that it touched the very deepest part of my heart. They were so proud, so relieved that their sweat and hardship were paid for.

It was a very tremendous and incredible feeling that no words can ever describe. You could see the parents’ eyes were glowing and their siblings’ smiles were cheerful. Everyone walked in joy and pride. When I saw mothers kissing their daughters after the graduation, and when I saw fathers hugging their sons, I felt my body was trembling with a mist of happiness. Happy and proud.

As to beloved brother, you have made it, dear. You have made us proud. You are doing this for you, not for anyone else. Congratulations and good luck with your life, and remember, we all love u so very much.

I'M TORN

I have shared 6 years and 4 months with him.

6 years of laugh and tears,
6 years of hardship,
6 years of happiness,
most importantly, 6 years of sweet tender love.

Nothing was wrong with us.
We both love each other so much, too much in fact.
But we made sacrifice,
We put smiles and happiness in others,
Though our hearts break into pieces

It is killing us for what we have to do, what we need to do
to please others.
We are torn inside out.
We are sad, we are so upset.
It is so difficult to do what we had to do.
It's tearing us apart.

We would rather be dead than to feel this sadness.
It hurts, it kills us.
But something must be done, and we chose this.
We chose to be killed inside rather than hurting other people.
We chose to be torn to please others.

World is never fair.
Life is always cruel.
I'm tired of impressing others, of pleasing other.
Coz all I know is that my heart is torn.
I, am torn.

REBOUND AND LOVE

"Suppose you're in a car wreck. You need another car, but instead of taking the next month researching makes, models, and prices, you rush out to the used car lot and pick out the first car you see. That's a
rebound.

But it turns out to be a damn fine car anyway which serves your journey the best. That's a true love."

REBOUND
You are in deep shit. Broke up tragically few months ago and nothing in life seems to make any sense to you anymore. When a person appears and shows a little bit concern, you turn to him/her and a relationship evolves. He/ She shows care and talks things through. He/ She would not put the blame on you but keeps asking about how stupid you ex was.

LOVE
You are in deep shit. Broke up tragically few months ago and nothing in life seems to make sense to you anymore. When a person appears and shows a little bit concern, you turn to him/her and a friendship evolves. He/ She listens to every single thing you wanna get out of your chest without complaining. He/ She would just listen.

REBOUND
When the relationship evolves, you keep asking yourself whether or not it’s a rebound. But you keep telling yourself that it is for real.

LOVE
When the friendship evolves, you keep asking yourself whether or not it’s a rebound. It could be, but you decided to go for it anyway. After all, you enjoy his/ her company.

REBOUND
You decided to go on a date with him/ her. You dress yourself up to impress him/ her.

LOVE
You decided to go on a date with him/ her. You are nervous as hell but you try to be yourself.

REBOUND
When you talk about your ex, he/ she would listen, but at the end, he/ she will make face and said “Can you stop talking about her/ him?”

LOVE
When you talk about your ex, he/ she would listen, but at the end, you will feel guilty talking too much about your ex with him/ her and you would say “Sorry, I shouldn’t talk about that,” and he/ she would say “It’s ok. I dun mind.”

REBOUND
You would travel miles away to see him/her. He/ She is fun to be with. You feel that it is worth every journey to see him /her. You wanna see him/ her again soon.

LOVE
You would travel miles away to see him/her. He / She is fun to be with. You feel that it is worth every journey to see him/ her. And when you get home, the only thing you keep thinking is him/her. That short time but long journeys don’t feel enough to see him/her.

REBOUND
You start to imagine your future with him/ her. You start to plan for birthdays and parties and holidays together. You want to make things work, so maybe you should rush things a bit.

LOVE
You start to imagine your future with him/ her. You start to plan things in short future like next week, or tomorrow. But you take things slowly because you want him/her to get to know you deeper before you jump into anything. You don’t want him/her to feel that he/she is being shadowed by your past.

REBOUND
When he/she wants you to meet the parents, you freak out a bit. But you go ahead. Maybe it’s time to tell the parents about how serious you are with the son/ daughter.

LOVE
When he/she wants you to meet the parents, you calmly and politely say that you are not ready just yet. You will meet them when you are ready, and when the time is appropriate.

REBOUND
You feel like you know him/her very well already. You want to spend time watching movies and shopping together.

LOVE
You feel like you still do not know him/her well. You always want to know more about him/her. You want to spend time getting to know each other deeper.

REBOUND
You start comparing him/her with your past. But he/she is much better than your ex. There is nothing wrong with him/her and you like him/her just fine.

LOVE
You start comparing him/her with your past. There might be some things that you are sure or not comfortable with. But you want to learn and understand more. At the end, you realize that there is nothing to compare because he/she is unique in his/her own way.

The thing is, there’s nothing wrong about rebound. You can’t really decide whether it is real love or true love unless you go ahead and be in the relationship. In most cases, rebound might hurt you more. But in others, rebound works just fine, or in some cases, better.

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

If people say that distance is not an excuse for true love, then they are either haven't experience long distance relationships before, or they are simply in denial.

I have had a long distance relationship before. We were apart by sea and lands, by long miles. Malaysia and United Kingdom. But we somehow survived the challenge.

But recently, I forgot how long distance relationship felt like. I forgot how I survived. I forgot how I managed to live my life despite all the challenges. I forgot how internet and phone calls managed to keep us close. I forgot how I woke up at 4 o'çlock in the morning to chat with him while he was working in the office. The 8 hours of difference really was confusing. I forgot how much pound sterling and RM were gone to pay the phone bills. I remembered he paid RM1200 a week for the calls.

I forgot how he woke me up for my classes. I forgot how I put him to sleep every day. I forgot how we tell each others' plans of the day as if we were living just next door. I forgot how I talked to him over the phone more than I talked to my own housemates. I forgot how my friends had to make appointments to see me because I was always on the phone with him. I forgot how he spend some money to fly across the ocean to see me. I forgot how he paid for my flight tickets for me to go back to Malaysia during summer holidays so that we could spend time together.

That was how we survived, through a little bit of sacrifice, throwing money to the phones' companies and flights. We had proven ourselves that miles can be brought together.

But recently, I forgot how they were all done. I can't seem to repeat the same whole thing. Recently, long distance relationship seems so impossible, full of doubts and difficult.

I am not sure if I can handle the pressure. I am not sure if I can try hard enough, and I am not sure how far I can go.

I'm crying over the hardship I haven't even put myself through. How stupid is that? Frankly, I want to work things out. So, God, please lend me a hand.

DERITA MERINDU by AHLI FIQIR

(Rap)
Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang menyangkal
Bagaimana nak kekal
Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang tak percaya
Bagaimana nak bahagia

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu
Tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

(Rap)
Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya
Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa
Bagaimana hendak ku lupa
bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata
harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu
Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu
Jikalau setiap hari merindu
Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu sebenarnya bahagia..
Aku pilih derita..

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Mungkinkah esok atau lusa walau biarpun lama
Akan ku biar tiada ku tetap kan setia
Entah bila akan tiba sampai jua harimu yang sama
Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah

(Ulang) (2x)
Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula
Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula

(Rap)
Seandainya kau berada di depan mata
Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata
Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu
Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu
Apalagi memandangku
Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan kau mainkan perasaan
Begitu mudah kau ucapkan terimalah saja kenyataan..
Aku masih terkilan

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

(Rap)
Jika kau dapat memahami hati seorang perindu
Baru kau tahu derita hatiku
Jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu
Baru kau ingat derita diriku
Segala yang berlaku bukan kemahuanku
Apa gunanya bahgia
Jikalau bahagia bersamamu hanyalah untuk sementara waktu
Aku pilih derita merinduimu

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa